Freelance Screenwriting

Ok, since I have financial needs that aren't currently being met and I want and need experience, I'm making myself available as a freelance screenwriter. I'm not limiting myself to any particular genre, topic, or anything else and I'm willing to either do scripts solo or collaborate. If interested, please contact me via my An Evil Genius web site.

New Life

When my marriage ended, I stopped believing that I could or would want to be in another relationship for the remainder of my life. A good part of me felt that because I gave it everything I had the first time around, that I couldn't find myself getting just as invested in another relationship. Or that I wouldn't want to. I more or less resigned myself to being alone, just as I had been before I met my ex.

While I've been surviving that way for the last few years, I can't honestly say I've been alive during that time. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect, and one of the areas in which I'm weak is actually building relationships of any kind with other people. I'm a paradox: I desire strong bonds with others yet I'm somewhat incapable of building those bonds except with a relatively small group of people. That's why my friends are the best friends anyone could ever want, but also why I have so few. It's not that I'm not an easy person to get along with; I have a lot of acquaintances and people that I'm on really good terms with, but there are few with whom I share that critical bond. Knowing that, how could I possibly find another woman with whom I could establish that and an even stronger bond?

There's also my anti-social tendencies. I can't go any further without mentioning them. It's very rare for me to be mean to anyone, or even to just show my anger or dislike, but often when I'm in public I'm fighting an urge to get away from everyone around me. There's a strange kind of pressure that I feel in public that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. This pressure seems to grow disproportionately to the size of the crowd; in a crowd of thousands, I can blend in, but in a group of a dozen or two, I feel like I stand out and that everyone is aware of me. And not in a good way. It makes me want to crawl into a shell and hide. So can you imagine how I feel one on one?

I said that to say this: if I feel like hiding in an average sized group, and I really, really feel uncomfortable in a one on one situation, how could I possibly find the strength and courage at my age to date again? To go out and find that special woman that I could spend the rest of my life with?

That's been the crux of my expectations that I would be alone for the rest of my life. Yes, I know these are some serious psychological issues, and I've been aware of them and working on them myself (by myself) for decades. As anyone can see by the fact that I have been married, I have lead a fairly good life in public, and that I am getting ready to head into my senior year of college (nearly 20 years late) that I am capable of overcoming my weaknesses and failings. Having the strength to do so is sometimes a challenge, but I do it regularly. So why did I doubt that I could do it again for something so important?

I was tired. I looked to the future and saw myself declining in every way imaginable, and I couldn't see myself getting strong enough to overcome my issues enough to find anyone else. That's not even counting how a potential mate might see me, so I was ready to give up on that part of my life. Now, in the interests of full disclosure, that doesn't mean I actually did give up: I joined a dating site or two, and I've made some good and important friends at Oakland University, but there wasn't and isn't a single woman among them that I thought I might have a future with. I could still be wrong, the future is ever shifting, but at least at the moment, it doesn't matter.

The reason it doesn't matter, is that God had other plans for me. Out of my past, a young woman that I had established a strong bond with, came rushing back into my life. It wasn't a conscious act on her part. Or mine really. I started dreaming about her regularly, and though we had already been friends on a social site or two for years, I found that I couldn't stop reading her posts.

This last week, things shifted between us, and I find that we are now walking together towards a future that could be very bright and what each of us has needed and wanted. We haven't formally declared our relationship yet, but it's abundantly clear to me that she cares just as deeply about me as I do about her. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I'm embracing this new life as full heartedly as I can. Maybe it will last, maybe it won't, but I'm taking it day by day with love in my heart.

Too Much Energy or My Pointless Rebellion

Today I'm digging myself into a hole for no good reason. I should be studying for a midterm tomorrow, but I really don't feel like it. I could be critiquing stories for another class, but don't feel like doing that either. I could even just be working on a super short story for yet another class, but it keeps bringing me back to Ms. M., with whom I've been in touch over the last few days. In truth, I really feel like a stalker right now, and I'm not ashamed of it. :-)

I haven't been out of her life because she didn't want me in it, we were just not available to one another at the time. Now, though... Things have changed, and something keeps drawing me back to her. After my open letter last year, I had managed to get her off my mind, and I did manage to get over her at long last, but these last couple of weeks have put her back on my mind, and I can't help but think that God's hands are at work once again, and some of the things that M. said... Well, let's just say that I believe God is at work here. M., if you're reading this, I think you're my angel!

Today I find myself too easily distracted by the possibilities of doing something else, and I'm doing nothing but digging myself a hole with regards to school. Maybe it's because I think that no matter what I do today, I'll come out all right. Maybe it's that I think I'm in love, and have been further encouraged by a few simple words. Maybe I just have too damned much energy that I should go burn off at the gym... I don't know, but I know I should be more concerned about the immediate, the midterm I have tomorrow, than I am. But it's irrelevant.

P.S. Remind me of that when I'm repeating this course... ;-)

Missing Life

Some might argue that I'm preparing for life by going back to school. Some would say that it's the right thing for me to be doing in this economy. Usually I'd be saying these things myself, because they're logical and carry wisdom. But today, I just can't stop thinking about the parts of life I'm missing, and wondering about paths not taken, and a woman I left unkissed.

KillZone 3

In case I fail to make it clear elsewhere, the KillZone 3 beta is awesome! If you own a PS3 and you like first person shooters, grab the beta and check it out!

In all likelihood, I'll be posting a review at HTTP://anevilgeni.us before the weekend is out.

AnEvilGeni.us

I've been quiet about this site until now because I had hoped that it would grow into its own without blatant plugs elsewhere, but that didn't happen. Now I'm taking the site in a different direction, and I'm being a lot more active with it, so I urge anyone that happens to visit my blog here, to checkout AnEvilGeni.us!

Densha Otoko

I think it's fair to say that I'm a geek. I am and have been for a very long time. The fact that I'm somewhat sociable compared to a lot of other geeks is irrelevant. I am, and probably always will be a geek. As such, it was nothing less than a small miracle that I managed to be married for 8 years, and that I'm still on good terms with my ex. If nothing else, Lori, thank you for putting up with my ass... :-)

As I've mentioned before, I'm now a film student, so I can officially carry my audio-visual squad geek card with pride, and to make matters worse, I'm semi-obsessed with Japanese culture, perhaps the one place in a world where a geek can truly fit in. Having just [barely] passed my Japanese 214 class, I found out about a cute romantic comedy film this semester called "Densha Otoko" or "Train Man". The story is basically about a geek, with similar interests to my own, that saves a woman from a drunk guy on the train home one day, the relationship he builds with her, and the people supporting him and giving him the courage to come out of his shell. I won't say too much more about the movie other than I could completely sympathize with the film in every way possible, and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in Japanese culture. I got it through Netflix, but I think I'm now going to see about getting my very own copy...!

Go Vote on November 2nd

It's funny and sad...

I keep trying to leave someone alone and in peace, without even mentioning their name even on a weekly basis, but they keep trying to harass me and get under my skin. It's a shame really because I once wished the best of fortunes to this person. I recently came to understand they were moving on with their life and I was happy for them, but I just got yet another negative message from them. It's sad, really, that I'm not even the source of their anger but they won't let me live in the peace I've been giving them.

Nonetheless, I will forever pity them, and pray that they can let go of their anger. And I still wish the best for them.

"Six Feet Deep" or "How's School Coming Along?"

I think I mentioned that this semester gave me a much heavier workload than the previous two semesters... If not, this should give you an idea of how bad it is:

This coming Friday I have a test in Japanese. I also have to do all remaining homework for this chapter in Japanese, which amounts to 3 workbook pages including some translating of audio clips.
Over the weekend I have to read an entire chapter on Islam and write a paper on it for Monday.
Also this weekend, I have to watch at least two Akira Kurosawa films, come up with a thesis for and write a 5 page paper for my film class for Tuesday.
Oh, and I also have to study at least the last two chapters from my Japanese book, probably more, for an oral interview I have on Wednesday.

Stressed? Me? Nah...