Friday, April 22, 2011

A Thousand Steps A Day, A Thousand Days To You

Some days are easier than others. Some days I only need to see your smile to feel fulfilled, sustained. Some days, I only need to know that you're out there, and that you might be thinking of me. I know we haven't yet discussed our future, but on these days I can feel that we have a future.
Then there are other days, those like today. While it's true that we've exchanged kind words this day, it has been fairly difficult for me to make it through this day. Today, this moment, I could use your company, but you're far, far away.
There are a thousand steps in each day. A thousand problems. A thousand difficulties. A thousand struggles. Each day, I make my way through these things, doing the best I can to solve them. Most of the time, the battles I fight are simple ones: solving problems, doing homework, getting to class on time. Then there are the big battles: the ones where I wonder about you, who you're seeing, what you're doing, and whether you care about me the way I care about you. I fight the battles of self-doubt daily, and I try to assure myself that if you didn't love me, you'd have told me to leave you alone. Sometimes I win those battles, sometimes I don't.
Either way, I endure those battles, those steps, one at a time, a thousand times a day.
Each day, I want to point you out, and make it clear to everyone that it's you I love. Each day is in itself a step towards the future, a step closer to the earliest day I can see you again.
Each day, each filled with a thousand steps, gets me closer to you. It's already been more than a thousand days since I last saw your smiling face in person, and it feels like it'll be a thousand days until I see it again. But I swear to you, that unless you don't wish to see me, that it will be less than 100 until that day arrives.
Each day is still a thousand steps. Each day is a thousand battles. I will endure them. I will fight the battles. I will win where I can, and I will suffer where I can't. But I will see you again, and we shall see what we shall see.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Going All In

I don't know if I mentioned this before, here at least, but a short script I wrote for the OU Filmmaker's Guild was selected for production. Next week we'll be holding auditions, and shooting in the second half of May. I hold no illusions that this will make me rich — there's no money involved in this at all! — but it's a good start towards what I want to do professionally. I'll let you know more as it happens, but I've set up a blog specifically for my insights of the film making process at

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Know Thy Heart

"To thine own self be true" Polonius said to his son Laertes in Hamlet meaning that one should always be honest to him or her self. One can interpret that to mean to be true in your dealings with yourself as well as others, but I choose to simplest, and perhaps most honest, interpretation: to know and understand myself.

I long ago pledged to be the best me I could be. Many times I've chosen honesty over lies even when the outcome would not be favorable to myself. Many times I've stayed true to my word when I could have gotten away with breaking it. I would be a liar indeed if I swore that I've always done these things. But I have managed to maintain the scales in such a way that I have done more positive, more honest works in this world than I have done negative, and I will continue to do so.

I do it not because I desire to be better than anyone else. I'm not, and never shall be. I feel temptation and darkness just as everyone does. But I choose to try to do the right thing because it's right, and not for any reward. I choose to be a better me because it's what I want.

I know my heart, and I encourage you to know yours.