Last month, I entered a contest for a house in New Mexico, and the announcement of the winner is coming up at the end of this weekend. While I know that the chances of me winning are literally 2 in 40 million, I can't seem to take my mind off of this house. Every day for the last week, I've found my mind wandering back to the house, and what I will need to look into once I take possession of the house. Not if I would take possession, but when. I've only felt this certain about winning something one other time in my life, and I did indeed win in that contest as well.
Everytime I find my mind back on this house, I have to make a strong conscious effort to squash my hopes because of the odds of me winning it are so remote. I've prayed that I would win this house, and perhaps this is God's way of telling me that it will be mine, but my realistic and pragmatic side keeps shouting at me that there's no possible way for me to win it. But despite the long odds, someone will win it, so why can't that person be me? Despite the long odds of the Mega Millions and PowerBall games (both well into the 1 in hundreds of millions range), people win those on a regular basis. So why shouldn't I take this feeling, enjoy it, and fully expect to win the house next week?
I guess the bottom line is that I'm afraid of being crushed when the all too probable outcome is revealed: that I didn't win it. Still, the house lurks in the corners of my mind, waiting to rise to the surface of my thoughts and pose questions of details regarding it: will I need to buy a security system or did the builders already include one? Does the community have a swimming pool, hot tub, and fitness center nearby that I could use? What about internet service? Would the neighborhood association mind if I try growing an avacado tree on my property?
It's these questions that bother me the most, I guess. I've never really posed these questions about a house or apartment before. No part of my mind in the past ever dwelled on questions like these before I moved into a new residence, or even when I was looking for one. These questions are the sort that a home owner would ask when he or she has made arrangements through a realtor and has not actually laid eyes on the home themselves. These are questions I would expect someone to ask after they won this house.
Well, God willing, I will win this house, justifying my mind's obsession with it. Otherwise, I can only imagine that I'll be mentally crushed for weeks. If I win, you'll be the second to know... ;)