Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Film Sense Must Be Fucked...

I blame Maxx.

While I have always enjoyed watching movies, it's only been since I've known Maxx that I started watching some of the really strange stuff, and some of the really bad stuff. In all honesty, he's made me into a movie critic, and a connoisseur of well written movies. That's a really good thing I owe him. He and Omar are as much my brothers as my actual blood siblings are, and they are both responsible for pushing me creatively speaking more than most people I've known. They are directly responsible for my sick and twisted sense of humor.

You hear that world? You can blame them!!

Now, tonight's blamestorming session is focusing on two movies that I've partaken of in the last three days. One was a big multi-million dollar blockbuster release, and the other seems to have been a little independent film that was trying to go viral through the net a couple years ago. But before I go into the movies, I want to point out some facts that lay further blame on Maxx.

Many moons ago, Maxx and I went to the same high school, along with Omar. I was already hanging out with the bad crowd, psycho-nerds like myself, starring Omar and a few other sick and twisteds. Omar later introduced me to Maxx who subsequently disappeared and resurfaced a few years later as Omar was headed into the Air Force. Maxx and Omar both encouraged me to push myself as a writer, and to come up with stories that were interesting to say the least. Maxx, a former film student, but a kick ass artist, would likewise push himself artisticly. Now, considering that I, more than 15 years later, am a cinema studies student, I feel that I can confidently blame Maxx directly and indirectly for this post. This one's for you Maxx!

Now, on to the films... The blockbuster you may have heard of ran epic looking commercials with the title character screaming his introduction in a voice reminiscent of 300's King Leonidas. I speak of none other than Beowulf. Many, many, many moons ago, long before I ever met either Omar or Maxx, before I even entered high school, I had heard of and read a small portion of the great epic poem known as Beowulf. In high school, a friend of ours based some of his characters in our role playing games off a combination of Grendel and Marvel Comics' Wolverine. Needless to say, I was greatly looking forward to seeing the movie once it was announced, and I was even more eager after seeing the commercials. For reasons that I shall not discuss, it didn't happen...

Until Friday morning.

Just before I was to leave for school on Friday morning, I discovered that Beowulf was on some random cable channel; I don't know if it was HBO, Cinemax, Showtime or what, but I sat down and watched about a half hour's worth of the movie. What I saw left me completely speechless.

I hated every second I watched. I know that computer animation has become a large part of the movie industry, particularly for special effects, and God knows I love animated movies, CG and otherwise, but I was not even slightly impressed with Beowulf the movie. I had been under the impression that the movie was live action, and to be honest, I'm not 100% sure it wasn't live action, but there were enough telltales for a guy like me to determine that it was at the very least significantly computer enhanced where it didn't need to be. Watching it reminded me of half remembered, half thought out rumors that the movie wasn't what my friends and social circle at the time wanted to see, and I'm definitely glad I didn't pay money for it. Now, that's not to say that it was all bad... I did enjoy some of the chanting songs that were being sung by the characters at various parts, and I certainly think that they were the high points of the film. You can probably guess, though, that Beowulf is now being removed from my "To Buy on Blu-Ray" list...

The other film is more complicated. I was watching TV, looking for something that might catch my attention and amusement for a little while when I stumbled across it. It looked like it was going to be cheap soft-porn, based on the name and description given to me by the satellite TV network, and I thought to myself "What the hell... Why not?". Now, I'm not going to say that I'm always up for porn. Frankly, while I do occasionally enjoy partaking, I'm really not into the made for cable soft-porn that even hardcore porn stars think is disgusting. (For different reasons of course. The bottom line is that at least hardcore porn is honest, with people actually having sex, while the soft porn is just faked all around without even the decency to have a good plot.) But being a hetero male in America, I was hoping to see some boobs. So, given the title and description of Zerophilia, I was intrigued and curious about exactly what they were going to do.

I'm not going to lie and tell you that it was the best movie ever. I'm not even going to tell you that it was a better movie than Beowulf. But the bottom line is that I actually enjoyed Zerophilia more than Beowulf, and I definitely think that it had potential. While Zerophilia did indeed have a couple of scenes with the naked breasts of twenty something young women and talked about sex and gender quite a bit, it actually wasn't porn of any kind. It was a real movie with an interesting plot, though it was a bit weak in some respects. The basic plot, for the lazy, is that a young man discovers that he changes gender when he's sexually aroused after having his first sexual encounter with a woman, and of course he meets the girl of his dreams just days later.

I can't say how I'd improve Zerophilia, because certain things were just plainly obvious to me right from the beginning, but I can't see how those points could have been done any differently. I think I might have gone in a different direction with the main character's discovery and exploration of his feelings about his gender, and I probably would have done without a plot twist near the end altogether. But the thing that is probably most important to Martin Curland, the writer/director/producer of the film, is that I enjoyed the movie more than Beowulf.

Mr. Curland, I'm a nobody [at the moment], but I'd like to see what you're working on next, and see if I can contribute to it in some way!

So, as you can see, while I ended up disappointed with both films for different reasons, at least I enjoyed watching one of them. And I think the key reason in both cases is my long experience watching movies, analyzing movies with Maxx and Omar, and getting an early schooling on a number of things film related by Maxx. Ultimately, I blame Maxx for this, and I think you should too! On three, everyone shout (with feewing!) "Thanks Maxx!"

Oh, and uh, go and Netflix Zerophilia. Throw some cash at Mr. Curland for being creative. You don't even have to feel guilty: you can watch it instantly instead of waiting for the DVD to arrive.

No comments:

Post a Comment